"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Philippians 4:11

A few days after the Asian tsunami struck the coastlines of the Bay of Bengal on Boxing Day of 2004, I was on my way to Bangkok from my home in Taiwan to deliver trauma counseling to the Canadian survivors, most of whom had been in the resorts of southern Thailand when the wave struck. I spent time with people who had lost family members, and I visited several hospitals talking to the injured. I also met with families arriving from Canada to look for their loved ones – and often the news was bad. I have also worked with survivors of an airliner crash, the Bali terrorist bombing in 2002, and other disasters – natural and man-made.

In the face of such tragedy it seems natural to ponder an assortment of questions about life, death and what it is to be human. Over the centuries there have been many commentaries on the philosophical aspects of such events from people far wiser than me. So I will not speculate here on the meaning and metaphysics of such things. Rather, I would like to offer an approach to these life challenges from another vantage point: i.e., given that life is full of changes, and loss, with nothing predictable except that we will die – how can we not just survive while we are here, but flourish, thrive, find meaning – how can we possibly be happy in the midst of difficulty, tragedy and unending bad news?

This is a question where modern psychology is providing some very practical and meaningful answers, and where some ancient ideas are regaining credence.

Why happiness?

Aristotle famously suggested that the meaning, purpose and whole aim of our lives is to attain happiness. Possessions, status and other acquisitions are simply a means to the only true end that exists for itself – happiness. And the American philosopher/psychologist William James supposed that gaining, keeping and recovering happiness is the secret motive for everything we do. The Dalai Lama, echoing teachings that go back to the Buddha, also believes that the very purpose of our lives is to seek happiness. That might sound pretty straightforward and simple – but for me it raises more than a few questions.

For example, what is happiness and what does it mean to seek happiness? It seems that our modern world has generally accepted the idea that happiness will come to us if we only do or have the “right thing”, i.e., if we follow the correct prescription of achievement and acquisition then we get the magic prize – happiness.

This is a very powerful mindset, strongly entrenched in our socialization and difficult to escape even though our simple folk wisdom, along with increasing evidence from psychology, tells us that looking for happiness on the outside will not give us what we are seeking.

Difficulty is automatic, happiness is deliberate

Life has many challenges – loss, pain, and struggles. I’d say that is a given. We need not be deliberate in any manner, or take any conscious steps to ensure pain, confusion, fear, grief and other such human afflictions. But happiness does need intention and action. And creating this elusive thing called happiness is not the same as the simple elimination of our symptoms – overcoming deficiencies, getting rid of pain, or creating a tensionless state. Rather, happiness is about moving beyond neutral, past fixing our “problems” and into a flourishing experience of desirable thoughts and feelings.

Our very human brain

As more studies into these concerns are carried out around the world, it is becoming very clear that socio-economic and external factors have little effect on or correlation with our happiness.

It is now suggested by many researchers that we all have a “baseline level” of personal happiness. This is mostly genetic and perhaps influenced somewhat by our early environment. Jonathan Haidt, in The Happiness Hypothesis, calls it “the cortical lottery”, meaning that some of us have brains that seem hardwired to see the world positively and create enjoyment for ourselves and others, and some of us have brains that seem to do the opposite.

Also, as humans we are very adaptable. This adaptation characteristic has served our evolution well and now allows us to deal with very difficult circumstances, such as the loss of a loved one or a job or a home, and find within us the mettle to carry on. When bad things happen in our lives, usually within a few months we will return to our baseline level of happiness; and conversely, and very significantly, when good things happen, and they do (although we are again shaped by evolution to remember and dwell upon the negative), we will also return to our “normal” level. We get used to it, to almost anything – poverty, disability, divorce, a broken dishwasher.

We also tend to measure our happiness in comparison to others. There will always be somebody smarter, richer and slimmer, with better looking kids – and yes, happier. This outward and upward orientation of comparison and the resulting anxiety and sense of lacking goes a long way to ensure our sustained unhappiness.

So now what?

We need not stay caught in our narrow and self defeating viewpoints or be prisoners of our old and poorly functioning internal software. It is possible to think and behave differently, and the program is already within us, we only need activate it.

Happiness, as an internal creation and independent from our surrounding circumstances, is solely within our power to increase or decrease . And even if we are relative losers in the genetic lottery we can still move up within our possible range of general life satisfaction. This involves increasing our fulfillment relative to ourselves, not to others.

There is no relief from life’s ups and downs. But there is the possibility of changing how we interpret the world and how we participate and feel. In this manner, happiness is not the goal, rather a life of active participation and sustained awareness is chosen.

And, pleasure does not create happiness, nor does achievement; they only create an increased desire for themselves, and have spawned the wonderfully painful phrase, “the hedonistic treadmill”. If we are always watching how others are doing , are focused on the past (Why didn’t I? … I should have … They never ….) or the future (I’ll be happy when … if … after …”) then it is not possible to actually be here in the present and appreciate the gift of aliveness, regardless of the circumstance – sail boat or cancer ward, penthouse or shack, single or married, blond or red-head!

Involvement of our mind, body, feelings, relationships and spirituality can ensure that we are fulfilling our potential for a flourishing and fulfilling time. So with our mind, if we can change the way we think and the way we interpret what happens in our world, that is a huge step on the track toward happiness.

So if I ask, “Is the glass half full or half empty?” the task is not to simply and blindly blurt out, “Oh, I know, I know … full, full!” The idea is not to become Pollyannaish and possibly delusional, but rather to understand and accept that the glass is both half full and half empty, and that is just fine – what an interesting glass it is!

This "cognitive reprogramming" is not as difficult as it may seem, it simply begins with an understanding of some of these basic ideas written here, and in the resources listed at the end, and then making the decision to change our outlook, one small step at a time, one moment at a time, in spite of our ingrained habits.

That is one thing that we can do with our thinking. What about our bodies, are they part of this happiness equation? Well, try this, the next time you are angry at someone. Put on some music you like, turn it up and dance, and as you move about do your best to sustain your angry feelings. I guarantee you'll have a very difficult time doing both. This exercise, one that I often offer in workshops, provides ample evidence for the incredible synchronicity of our mind and body working together, if we pay attention, to create a different experience in our lives. And that's what it's all about.

Here’s another one. Practice compassion, and as the Buddhists will tell you, you will be happier (a great rendering of this idea is in What Makes You Not a Buddhist by Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, a wonderfully sardonic and insightful Westernized Bhutanese monk).

Be kind, not out of obligation or duty or role, but “spontaneously”, voluntarily and from your heart, with a smile on your face – you will feel better. This ancient wisdom is standing up to the scrutiny of many psychological and sociological studies. But to practice this we must let go of our disdain and arrogance and pride, and realize that one of the heavy prices we will pay for increased happiness is the loss of the manipulative power that our self pity, victimhood, helplessness and self-hate have on others. It seems, interestingly, that many of us would rather hang onto these traits then be happy; but it is difficult to feel sorry for ourselves with a smile on our face or with contentment in our heart.

Be a merit finder! Start doing that now and notice how you feel. Stop blaming. Be grateful – for what? – for this incredibly unlikely life, the chances of which, for any of us to actually experience, are infinitesimal. Perhaps we already have won the lottery!

Be optimistic, but not blindingly so. Let go. Let go of whatever you’re hanging on to, because you will have to eventually anyway, and the energy and effort and distraction that it takes to fixate onto the good or the bad (mostly the bad, right?) keeps us from paying attention to the here and now which, if you think about it, is all we really have, and is probably okay just the way it is. Perhaps it is more important to consider how a life is lived, rather than what it achieves.

Since the tsunami I have been back to Thailand twice, and have been in contact with a number of the Canadians who returned home after the tsunami, and though it has not been easy for anyone, some people have thrived, others struggled, but everyone is getting on with their lives. It reminds me of the people, who for me carry the biggest smiles of any place I have been in the world – and that is the poor of Cambodia. The children, with little food, perhaps no shelter but a box beside the road, seemingly manage to greet each day, and each person, with bright eyes and acceptance. Now, how is that possible?

Resources for this article and suggested reading:

“If We Are So Rich, Why Aren't We Happy?” American Psychologist, October 1999. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Flow. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The Happiness Hypothesis. Jonathin Haidt

Happier. Tal Ben Shahar

Happiness. Matthieu Ricard

Journal of Happiness Studies. www.wkap.nl

Positive Psychology in Practice. Edited by Linley and Joseph

Stumbling onto Happiness. Daniel Gilbert

The Art of Happiness at Work. Dalai Lama & Howard Cutler

What Makes You Not a Buddhist. Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse

Al Chambers

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Al Chambers is a member of The Haven's core faculty. His course Happiness: A Seeker's Guide is running in 2009. Register before December 15 and pay the 2008 price.