The three key models presented by leaders during Come Alive and Phase courses at The Haven Institute provide a practical framework for being and doing in a world that often seems isolating, baffling and devoid of human relatedness.

Part of the excitement we experience in leading at The Haven involves not only the presentation of these models, but the active and practical application of the concepts in our work and in our lives. It is very important to our own relationship as leaders of the Come Alive to embody and actively use the models as we work together.

The Communication Model is likely the most obvious example. While the principles contained in the model can be found in virtually any book or method of inter-personal communications or conflict resolution, the way it is offered and practiced in a Haven course or program offers us, as leaders, a method of processing our judgements, thoughts and feelings about one another. By following the model ourselves, we are able to keep our energy 'clear' so that we can be fully present with participants. We actually use real life situations with one another in presenting the model. For example, in a private conversation during the course, one of us might perceive the other as fidgeting around or not making eye contact when the other is speaking and conclude or judge that the other is not listening to what is being said. From this conclusion we may generate feelings of hurt and distance from the other that if left unattended, might generate a loss of the sense of connection that is vital to our relationship and our work together.

While the above example may not appear to be serious, the reality is that if we do not find the courage to risk disclosing our judgements and feelings around one another’s behaviour, it could have a very negative short and longer term impact on our relationship and on our ability to work with people. However, by coming forward and checking things out we have the opportunity keep our energy with one another clear. The importance of being clear extends to our entire leadership team, which includes the Assistants and Interns, as we all need to keep clear with each other throughout our busy week together. We gotta walk our talk!

The Communication Model advocates radical honesty and self-responsibility. By speaking our truth to one another and taking full responsibility for everything that occurs as we lead a course at the Haven, we are able to hold one another and each member of the group fully accountable for whatever we are doing together. This means that no time is lost in our being victims of our own or one another`s behaviours. This does not mean we always agree. Indeed we use the Communication Model to move past any disagreements, misunderstandings or judgments and feelings that could keep us distant from one another or the group.

The Selves Model is another concept that helps us in a very practical way to remember that we always have the choice of condemning ourselves when we present in ways that are less than what we think are perfect; or to be compassionate with ourselves realizing that notwithstanding our divine origins and aspirations to the ideal, we are mostly living life at ordinary levels of consciousness and that means sometimes performing in ways that we may perceive as less than perfect. Fundamentally, this idea system allows us to laugh at ourselves when we catch ourselves trying to be the 'ideal' group leaders or the 'ideal' seminar partners. Our ability to see the humour in our own behaviours helps others to find the humour in themselves. Our experience is that humour and humility invites healing and happiness in ourselves and in others.

A good example of the ideal self in action occurs when one or the other of us is making a presentation of one of the models on a course. No matter how thorough we think we have been, there is an automatic second voice in our head that seems to arise after the presentation (when it is too late to do anything differently) that asks: ‘Why didn’t you say that? Or why didn’t you focus on this?’ If in this moment we can remember to be compassionate with ourselves and to see the humour in our striving for perfection it becomes possible to let the experience go and to move on to the next thing with a lightness of being. Our experience is that the way back from neurosis, illnesses, addiction and major psychological disturbances in life can be found through breath, awareness, acknowledgement, acceptance, action and appreciation which together form the basis of this Haven teaching model.

And last, but by no means least, is the Resonance Model. Based on the notion that we are beings trapped behind ways of doing because of the expectations and identity we have adopted for ourselves in life, this model offers all of us hope that through the experience of relationship we can loosen up and reconnect with our authentic self and to experience genuine loving. Indeed that is our experience of what happens on a Come Alive. People from many different walks of life, who start off as strangers, come together during a week of self-discovery and exhibitions of personal courage and they often experience a sense of warmth and closeness with others that is completely unique. The Come Alive experience suggests that the resonance that occurs when one person has been open and vulnerable in the service of personal growth, directly impacts the life of another in ways that are quite remarkable. This model also helps us to consider that despite our conditioning, compromising and conforming, we all know that we must be what we can be in life. Indeed for us and for the hundreds of participants we have had the honour of leading through the Come Alive course, it is this resonance experience that leaves a permanent imprint and inspires us to move forward in life in a new way. Indeed it is likely this very experience that is most responsible for the two of us continuing to lead this program for more than a decade now.

Threaded through each of these models is the principle of self-responsibility. This too is a key for us in our leading partnership at The Haven. We are the ones who perceive and judge and create our own feelings. We are the ones who withhold our judgments and feelings for fear of hurting others and then often pay a big price. We are the ones who cut ourselves off from our authenticity by our striving for an ideal that we ourselves have created. And we are the ones who, by our own courage, open to our potential in the presence of others and thus heal what needs to be healed and take our next step forward on what Scott Peck calls The Road Less Travelled.